The Fat Knight’s Fear

Antony Sher’s great diary of preparing to play Falstaff at the RSC - Year of the Fat Knight gives interesting insight into his mindset as an esteemed actor with decades in the industry.

The Fat Knight in question is Falstaff in Shakespeare’s Henry IV Part 1 and 2. 

Sher played the role to much acclaim, not long before the Willy Loman that was phenomenal in the West End. 

In early rehearsals, Sher admits to his diary “A bad attack of nerves tonight - about tomorrow’s read through. With two weeks work already done, there’s more need to deliver than normal. Yet why am I frightened - after forty fucking years in the job?! It pisses me off.”

After 40 years in the job, Sher still has a fear of the read through. He has a fear of failure. His preparations for roles often feel more like luck than judgment and this no doubt adds to his discomfort and fear. What if it goes wrong?  He heaps a pile of extra pressure on himself by feeling like he has ‘more need to deliver than normal’.

He asks why he is frightened after forty years.

Two reasons.

The first is that after 40 years, he has considerably further to fall if he fucks it up. The second is that he feels he needs to ‘perform’ or to ‘achieve’ at the read-through. He wants to show the work he’s done, he wants to show he’s achieved something in rehearsal so far. He wants to get ’the voice’ right. 

The pressure he puts himself is almost crippling, but Sher has been doing this for 40 years, so while he has the fear, he also has the past experience to tell him that for the most part, it will go right.  

He is unconsciously making his own fear, but he is unconsciously resolving it too.

Do you have the Fat Knight's Fear? Want to learn to overcome self doubt and fear of failure? Download our free eBook, The Twelve Obstacles, in the Acting Advice Guide section of our website.