Beware Your Knight in Shining Armour

Everyone needs supporters. People that offer you unconditional support. They are important – no, they are essential.  Actors, sensitive people like all artists, perhaps need these people more than most. The fragility of our self-belief requires the presence of these champions in our lives.

The problem comes when their support hurts more than it helps.  What do I  mean? Let me explain. We all need support, but we don’t need a knight in shining armour.

As actors, we need to believe we’re good, we need to belief we can do it, we need to believe that the next big role is over the horizon. These are all very normal feelings. Our supporters help give us the courage to maintain these beliefs and carry on in this most uncertain of professions.

But its when those supporters turn into knights that we need to beware their influence.

The knight not only offers support, but because they care about you, they also want to rescue you, to protect you from danger, pain or failure.

In a career based on so much rejection and potential failure, we are terribly vulnerable. Others see this and step in to protect us. Our very own knight.

The drama school auditionee that fails to get into their chosen school on the first or second attempt is offered loving support by the parent, who sensing their disappointment wants to reduce their pain. Perhaps acting isn’t for you they counsel, the motivation is clear, I hate seeing you in pain, let’s alleviate that pain. Let me protect you from this pain by suggesting an alternative and that protection from pain protects the prospective actor from potential success.

The concerned parent that knows the acting industry is highly competitive and overly supplied, does not want to see their child penniless, destitute and qualified for nothing but the unemployment line. And so they warn against these dangers, counselling against this career choice in favour of a safer one, the aim to protect you from potential pain ends up protecting you from success.

The actor receiving highly critical feedback on their acting is counselled by their loved ones: don’t listen to the nasty man darling, what does he know? You were brilliant. Maybe you were, maybe you weren’t. But if you aren’t willing to take an honest look at yourself, all the support in the world won’t get you where you want to go. 

My own mother, much loved, once counselled me with deep compassion in her voice couldn’t you just get a good desk job? At the time, I was struggling, and to help me through the pain, she attempted to relieve my suffering, with an option that would have undoubtedly lead to financial security and stability – but in the process, she would have protected me from the journey that every successful individual takes, through pain, through failure, through danger to success.

Pain, failure, terrible loss is part of the process, it’s going to hurt a little if you want to grow. Muscle’s tiny fibres must be torn to grow.

The acting teacher who offers only praise is both your best friend and your worst enemy. Unconditional love is for your parents. If an acting teacher or coach wants to help you, they need to do more than just protect you from potential pain or danger. They need to be willing to ask you the difficult questions, things you don’t want to hear and sometimes in ways you don’t want to hear it.  Sometimes the carrot, sometimes the stick, challenging but never brutality, mocking, belittling.

The support of your loved one is absolutely vital, but please beware their good intentions, they may end up saving you from success.